Dying your hair doesn't mean you aren't going to die...

At dinner with a client the other night I revealed my age. The response came back "I never would have guessed! Really. You look a lot younger!"

Of course it's a lovely thing to say. But it's also probably true to an extent.

Most women in their mid-40s actually look wonderful these days. It's very hard to tell someone's age. We are healthy and vibrant and fulfilled in our lives and our work. We have had relatively easy lives compared with our grandparents and great grandparents. We've worked in offices and had mod cons to help us around the house rather than doing tough physical work all day and night. So our hands are nice, are faces are pretty smooth and our bodies aren't wrecked.

This is what I wore to dinner - a headband to cover my emerging greys -

Oh, I'm 45.

Yes, I'm a bit puffy under the eyes! But you know what really helps me look younger than my age (and helps many women in their 40s)?

Hair dye.

So here's the thought that went through my head when I was told I looked young:

"People are going to stop saying that soon".

Because dark hair is associated with youth whilst grey hair is associated with old age.

I must admit I had a wobble. Am I prepared for no one to ever tell me I look younger than my age again? (Or until I'm a glamorous 65 years old silver vixen who looks like a glamorous 60 year old silver vixen!)

But then I had another thought:

"Why is looking young the compliment we desire above all else? Why is it more important than looking wise? Or credible? Or bold and brave?"

I thought of going back to dying my hair in order to look younger and rejected it immediately. I may look younger with dark hair but I'm not younger. I'm 45. I love my life. I'm happier now than I ever was at 40 or 35 and certainly happier than I was at 25. I prefer who I am now. And that's happened because of the lesson's I've learned from life. Why would I want to look as if I hadn't had long enough to learn those lessons?

I'm certainly not the first to make the observation that we live in a society obsessed with youth. But just because you look younger, doesn't mean you are younger. You're not any further away from death just because you dye your hair. Dying your hair doesn't mean you aren't going to die.  

Far more important than looking young, for me, is looking like I feel; expressing who I am through what I wear. I am out-going, positive, independent and pretty cool. My "look" should be out-going, positive, independent and pretty cool. If that means I go grey and then put a purple stripe in my hair because that feels authentic, so be it. But trying to convince the world that I'm younger than I am feels like a lot of energy directed in the wrong place.

"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a ride!" - Hunter S Thompson