Dying your hair doesn't mean you aren't going to die...

At dinner with a client the other night I revealed my age. The response came back "I never would have guessed! Really. You look a lot younger!"

Of course it's a lovely thing to say. But it's also probably true to an extent.

Most women in their mid-40s actually look wonderful these days. It's very hard to tell someone's age. We are healthy and vibrant and fulfilled in our lives and our work. We have had relatively easy lives compared with our grandparents and great grandparents. We've worked in offices and had mod cons to help us around the house rather than doing tough physical work all day and night. So our hands are nice, are faces are pretty smooth and our bodies aren't wrecked.

This is what I wore to dinner - a headband to cover my emerging greys -

Oh, I'm 45.

Yes, I'm a bit puffy under the eyes! But you know what really helps me look younger than my age (and helps many women in their 40s)?

Hair dye.

So here's the thought that went through my head when I was told I looked young:

"People are going to stop saying that soon".

Because dark hair is associated with youth whilst grey hair is associated with old age.

I must admit I had a wobble. Am I prepared for no one to ever tell me I look younger than my age again? (Or until I'm a glamorous 65 years old silver vixen who looks like a glamorous 60 year old silver vixen!)

But then I had another thought:

"Why is looking young the compliment we desire above all else? Why is it more important than looking wise? Or credible? Or bold and brave?"

I thought of going back to dying my hair in order to look younger and rejected it immediately. I may look younger with dark hair but I'm not younger. I'm 45. I love my life. I'm happier now than I ever was at 40 or 35 and certainly happier than I was at 25. I prefer who I am now. And that's happened because of the lesson's I've learned from life. Why would I want to look as if I hadn't had long enough to learn those lessons?

I'm certainly not the first to make the observation that we live in a society obsessed with youth. But just because you look younger, doesn't mean you are younger. You're not any further away from death just because you dye your hair. Dying your hair doesn't mean you aren't going to die.  

Far more important than looking young, for me, is looking like I feel; expressing who I am through what I wear. I am out-going, positive, independent and pretty cool. My "look" should be out-going, positive, independent and pretty cool. If that means I go grey and then put a purple stripe in my hair because that feels authentic, so be it. But trying to convince the world that I'm younger than I am feels like a lot of energy directed in the wrong place.

"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a ride!" - Hunter S Thompson

 

Dearly De-parted

I know it's awful. This is what I saw in the mirror this morning.

No, I'm not going bald (on top of everything else!). That is my "skunk stripe".

In a way, I'm pleased. It's started. In another way, you can see just how much contrast there is between my dark, dyed hair and the real colour.

So I need to get experimenting.

The first step, I think, is to get rid of the parting. That's just highlighting The Area. So I've tried a couple of styles today all related to pulling the hair back.

Curly hair is different to straight hair. You can't play with it. If you touch it too much, move it this way and that, try new things all at one go you end up looking like a poodle. It gets frizzy, the curls break down, the shine disappears and it's impossible to do anything with it. The only way to get it back to some kind of defined curl is to wet it and start again.

So when I got out of the shower today I brushed it back, rather than in to a side parting, and put it roughly where I thought I would want it. I let it dry naturally with a little curl defining spray on it. While wet, I twirled the curls in my fingers so that they formed loose ringlets and let it dry.

When it was nearly dry I experimented with a hair band but it was too tight. I need to get something looser otherwise my head looks too flat!

Instead I clipped a chunk of hair back loosely. You can see a few whisps of grey on the temples and around the hairline. But I don't mind that.

I've also piled on the make up. I don't want to look or feel like I've let myself go or that I don't care how I look.

If there is time today I'm going to buy some bits for my hair - clips, hair bands, scarves - so I can try new styles as the grey gets longer than I've let it get before.

I've also ordered some products recommended by Lauren at How Bourgeois for covering grey when you've got a special event. I will review those too and let you know how they work with curls.

So that's me for today. More soon!

Welcome to my blog!

This is me. 

And this is the point at which I normally reach for the bottle of dye. Can you see a bit of grey around my temples? This happens every couple of weeks. Then a stripe of silver appears on top of my head. And then...well, I don't know. I've never allowed it to get further than that. 

I've been thinking about going grey for at least a year. Many things put me off.

Firstly I'm known, in part, for having big, black, curly hair. It's my trademark.

Secondly, I worried it would make me look or feel old.

Thirdly, I was worried about what other people would think.

Does any of this sound familiar? I hope so.

So, why have I changed my mind? There are a few reasons.

The first is that I am a keynote speaker and I am always talking about being yourself when I stand on the stage. I challenge people to strip back the layers of pretense and show people who they are. It is a double standard if I don't do that myself. I feel I'm hiding who I really am every time I cover my grey.

The second reason is that I try to be healthy and tread lightly on the planet. All the chemicals I'm putting on my head don't feel right. 

Finally I have support. Not everyone in your life is going to think going grey is a good idea. Certainly there are plenty of people in my life who've advised against it. But the people I live with and that I love are really up for doing this journey with me. OK, maybe I should have been able to do it without that. But it helps.

You will have your own reasons. Maybe you're further down the road than me and can share some experiences to help me. Maybe you're just thinking and want to see what it's been like for other people. 

To be honest, I don't think being grey is going to be particularly hard. I think the journey to grey is going to be hard. It will take a long time, there will be a long "in between" time. Will I give up? Will I see it through? At this point I don't know.

Let's see! And thanks for joining me. It helps!