Walking in to rooms with transitioning hair...

Hi folks!

I'm 4 months in to the transition now so I'm getting used to the fact that I look like a tabby cat - a bit grey, a bit brown, a bit black. But while I've had a chance to get used to it, many people have not.

In my job I have to walk in to a lot of rooms filled with people I don't know or people I haven't seen in a long time.

And this presents me with a dilemma. Do I explain what's going on with my hair or don't I?

Here's what I'm doing so far -

With a new crowd e.g. the audience at one of my speeches, or a team I'm working with for the first time, I say nothing. Of course, in my head I've got a lot of chatter going on. "Do they think I'm weird? Do they think I've let myself go? Do they think I look terrible? Do they think I somehow don't realise what's going on up there, that I have somehow failed to notice?"

But aloud I say nothing.

With people I do know but haven't seen for a while, I ask them what they think. This has been interesting. One girl said "Why? Have you done something different?". One guy told me he liked it but he'd need to get used to me looking so different. Another told me he liked the grey but the style made me look like a teacher. I told him to stay behind after and see me.

And occasionally people will be upfront and ask me about it before I've decided whether to say something or not. My neighbour asked me if I was letting it grow out and then confided that maybe she would as well as she loved the way it looked on me so much that it was giving her ideas!

I also have the issue with "false advertising". My photos are all over the internet. You can check if you like. Google me.

And in all of them I have dark hair.

Then I turn up to an event and I look like this -

Me this morning with my hair in a side "bun"

I feel like one of those people who post a photo of themselves 20 years younger on a dating website and when they turn up on the date are unrecognisable. It's not that I'm ashamed, I just haven't got around to having new photos done. But that's about to change. A photographer has been booked so I'm going to be out of the closet very soon ONLINE! Meanwhile though, I will have to try to avoid the searching looks people give me when they cross-reference my biog photo with what stands before them.

There is an upside though. Many people worry about looking older with grey hair. And that crosses my mind too. Is it weird to wear my hair as I am today in a bun on the side of my head like a kooky kid? Should I go more "Judy Dench"? Well, I have no plans to do that. But at the same time, I wonder if my hair colour gives me gravitas? As a short person (5'1" or 5'2" on a good day with heels!) I often feel colleagues and clients towering above me and wonder if, somehow, this undermines what I have to say.

But the grey hair seems to balance that out. I'm not a little girl speaking, I'm a little woman. Over the last few months I've felt even braver about being direct and straight-speaking (and I was pretty brave before!). There are no excuses not to now.

I mean, if you don't feel self-confident about having your voice heard by the time you are going grey, when are you going to? 

It shouldn't require going grey to create this kind of confidence, of course. There's no reason not to be confident in yourself when you are young, and there's no reason to lack confidence just because you are short...or tall...or a woman...or [insert your own insecurity here]...

But sometimes our bodies remind us that none of us is getting younger. We can see that as a tragedy or we can see it as a gift. It's easy to forget how far you've come, how much you've been through, how much you've learned. But if a few grey hairs (or a head full of grey hairs) remind you and give you the strength to go out in to a room believing you have something to offer, then you might as well use it to your advantage.

I know I am!