Bad Hair Day

On every journey there is a moment at which you accept the call to adventure - you take a bold action from which there is no going back. Well, you can often go back but there would be consequences, even if those are just having to admit to others that you chickened out.

Shortly after accepting the call to adventure you want to go back though. It always happens. Just think about any change you've undertaken. There's always that moment of regret - "What have I done?". It's what Joseph Campbell called The Belly of the Whale. When we accept the call to adventure we don't really know what we are accepting. By its nature, the journey is one in to the unknown. If we knew what to expect it wouldn't be much of an adventure.

So, we soon come up against the first major, unforeseen challenge.

I had mine last week.

As you probably know, I make my living in part out of speaking about leadership. This means that, every week, a different audience see me for the first time. Sometimes they've seen my publicity photos, in which I am dark haired.  But whether they have or haven't, I now turn up with a great big grey patch on the top of my head.

Whether they are expecting it or not, it's quite clearly there.

I've been wearing it like this, pulled off my face, as it seemed until recently like the most flattering option. But I don't much like this style. I like my hair big and curly, not slicked back. And the grey is at a funny length. Clearly intentional now but still at a very early stage. Anyway, I felt very self-conscious last week and I was contemplating going to the hairdresser and getting a tonne of it cut off. It would still be largely black but I would be able to wear it loose and maybe it would look better.

But before taking such a dramatic decision I consulted the experts. I've joined a Facebook group called Gray and Proud (form a fist everyone, punch the air and shout "Gray Pride"!). Everyone there is going grey or is already grey. They talk about their experiences and offer advice and support to each other. Some have gone for the buzz cut approach (just whip all the coloured hair off upfront and then grow through the rest completely from the roots). Others have gone short but not THAT short. And others have kept it long and slowly grown the grey longer and longer without really changing the style dramatically.

I explained my situation. I explained how long it had taken me to get the hair long and how transitioning to grey was something I had anticipated, but getting used to having short hair might be a transition too far. I also explained how important it is that I make a good, professional impression.

The feedback was hugely varied. Everyone had different ideas and different approaches. Above all though everyone was kind and encouraging. Unlike some social media groups, this group has never, that I've noticed, been unkind or unsupportive to anyone.

Having read the replies and taken notice of my gut feel responses I decided not to cut it all off. Instead I will have some trimmed off and give the roots 6 months to really take hold. Then I will consider whether to take the length a bit shorter.

In the meantime I also checked Pinterest and saw some different ways of styling it now the greys are that much longer. With every changing root length I will need to adapt. What looked good at 1 month doesn't look good at 2 months.

From a more philosophical perspective though here are some observations -

1. Any change puts us, at some point, in the belly of the whale. The best way out is to seek input and support from allies - friends, aquaintances, experts - who will be kind yet honest.
2. While the direction of travel doesn't change, the strategy to get there will need to adapt over time. Sometimes a radical change in strategy might seem like the best approach, but often just a little shift left or right of your original plans is enough.
3. Others have gone before you. Take inspiration from them. There's no need to reinvent the wheel. Don't be afraid to copy others if their circumstances and yours are similar.
4. This too will pass. A day or two later, having adjusted the position of my parting, I was happy again and proud of my lovely silver roots.

Keep going with whatever change you are currently undertaking. And always remember - you don't have to do this alone.